"Like a Waterfall..."

I am absolutely overwhelmed tonight. Our world and our lives may be broken and entropic, but God makes Himself present somehow in every circumstance and situation. And at times, He doesn't just gently intertwine Himself in our lives; sometimes He comes like a raging flood, tearing away our insecurities and inhibitions.

Watching hundreds of people get baptized in one night is one of those times.

How can I begin to describe the awe-filled joy that seeing that inspires in me? I have no idea to respond to the way that God is moving in and through the community of my church. It's like I'm watching Acts unfold in front of my face -- literally hundreds of people coming to Jesus, not for only their own sake, but for their desire to be completely sold out to Him because of who He is. It's the most beautiful, whole-hearted form of dedication that I can imagine, and I feel so privileged to be a witness to this unfolding of events. There's nothing better than watching people jump wholeheartedly into either the beginning or the continuation of their adventure with Jesus.

It forces me to reflect, too, on the journey God's been taking me on over the last few years...

Two years ago around this time, I was a shattered shell of a person. I was absolutely overwhelmed by depression and brokenness; I'm continuing to realize just how broken I was and how much I have healed (and how much I need to continue to heal) from that. In the back of my head, I don't think I ever really thought I would be myself again; I never dared to think that I would be genuinely happy again.

I've said before that happiness isn't everything, and I'll say it again a thousand times. Having deep-seated peace and joy in and with Christ regardless of circumstances outweighs any happiness I could ever have. I'll also say, though, that peace and joy that bubble up and manifest themselves in happiness make life really fun and really enjoyable. I've often overrated and under-appreciated happiness, I think, but it's something that I'll have a hard time taking for granted again.

In any case, I'm left absolutely speechless when I think about how far God has brought me in the last two years. He pursued me. He actually accepted my halfhearted surrender and ran away with it -- ran away with me. He convinced me that I was still worth something, even (and especially) in the moments that I felt worthless and empty and wanted to die. He slammed into me like a brick wall and left me breathless with the impact of His love. He gently made me realize how silly I had been to think that my circumstances had changed Him.

And now... beyond anything I had ever hoped and dreamed, I'm in a place of more joy and true happiness than I knew existed. I'm falling more in love with Jesus every day, and that's the foundation of it all; this happiness, though, also stems from being at the school and the church He's led me to be a part of. I didn't know that these sorts of communities and friendships could actually be a part of my life, especially in the remainder of my college experience. I had entirely given up on that hope, honestly. Knowing that God took my messy, even somewhat defiant surrender (seriously-- I think my exact words were, "FINE! But only because I don't really have another option..."), lovingly wooed me back to Himself, pulled me in the direction He wanted me to go, and eventually led me exactly to the point and place where I am now is beyond my comprehension. I'm not who I was six months ago, never mind two or three years ago (thank GOD!).

I guess I've made the decisions that have gotten me here, but I can't even take credit for those. He's the one who's told me what to do every step of the way; all I've done was follow. And honestly, I wouldn't trade a step of the journey for anything, even the messiest, ugliest, most difficult parts. I wouldn't appreciate the light so much if I weren't so intimately acquainted with darkness; and God has redeemed even the darkest of moments: I wouldn't be at CCU now if I hadn't first been at CU and then FRCC.

This is perhaps a long post to make a simple single point, but we all know that simplicity isn't nearly as simple as it might first appear to be. When I say then, that I am absolutely overwhelmed by God's goodness, you might understand a little better not only why I'm left with tears streaming down my face. And, I must say, these tears of joy are wonderfully sweet compared to those of hopelessness and despair...

 Like a waterfall of honey
Let Your love be poured out on me
Overcome me
Overcome me
 ~United Pursuit Band~

This waterfall of love is inundating me, and it's more wonderful than I can say. I know this feeling won't last forever, but I'm definitely relishing this happiness and contentment while I have it.

God is so good.

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;

we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

~Romans 8:18-39~