"There are times when silence has the loudest voice..."

Indeed it does, Leroy Brownlow. Indeed it does. My blog remaining silent for inane amounts of time, however, is not one of those times. Then internet silence just screams, "This thing ain't goin' NOWHERE!" What I'm really trying to say here:

I'm baaa-aaaack!!!

...and I couldn't be happier about that! As stated in my previous, almost-a-month-ago post, the end of this semester was just a little crazy. Fitting 40+ hours of my 100 observation hours into the last three weeks of school, working, and attempting to keep up with my life left me little to no time (more like "no to negative time") to do anything else. Even things like spending time with you, few but faithful readers, and having the occasional date night with Bloglet have been at the bottom of my priority list.

Oh, little Bloglet, I am so sorry to shun you in your infant stages. Instead of nurturing you tenderly, I've tried, too soon, to shove you out of the nest. Unlike an eaglet who (oh-so-inspirationally) learns to soar when he falls, though, you have absent-wingedly plummeted gracelessly into the bottomless pit of the blogosphere's forgotten realms. I should have known better than to think that you'd write yourself. My sincerest apologies.

Enough of my writing to an inanimate inter-webbish entity, though. It just takes up space... and it's probably a sign of mental instability. (Comment if you must... I already know what you're thinking!)

In any case, I've dearly missed having time to relax, play, or be myself. As the old adage says, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." I think there's a reason they didn't make that phrase about women... The terminology involved may not have been as socially appropriate, if you catch my drift!

Seriously, though, I don't relate to God, the world, or myself as well as I should when I don't give myself time to think, to dream, or to simply be still. Silence is truly golden.

For me, silence isn't simply the absence of noise. Silence is being able to think deeply and clear my mind. Silence demands introspection and forces me to admit ways in which I'm both broken and joyful. Silence is vulnerability.

And for that reason, silence is something that I try to avoid at times, even (and especially) when I know that I need it most.

~~~Silence is sitting at my piano until midnight, either following the music or, more often at that hour, allowing my fingers and my voice to express thoughts and emotions that I can't put into words. Per Marcel Marceau, "Music and silence combine strongly because music is done with silence, and silence is full of music."

~~~Silence is taking the time to write, spilling myself into the ink on a page.

~~~Silence is forcing myself to simply breathe for a while, cutting the noise, worry, and stress out of my mind for a moment so that I can actually hear what God is whispering to me.

~~~Silence is running, pounding my feet against the pavement in rhythm to my heartbeat and breathing.

~~~Silence is lingering over a cup of coffee with an old friend, laughing about old memories and delving into deep conversations.

I still don't understand why I avoid the very things that bring me so much joy and peace. I would be lying if I said I didn't know why -- like I said before, silence demands vulnerability. I am not vulnerable by nature, even with myself. In short, I'm a control freak, and I don't like exposing myself to situations in which I don't have the last say about how I feel or act. Still, though, I know how much better life is when I am vulnerable and powerless, and I know that I begin to build a barrier between myself and Jesus when I am not. Oh, my addiction to my broken human nature... I'm not a huge fan. I'm working on all of that, though... and this beautiful Spirit in me has already changed me more than I know.

I can't even tell you how excited I am for this summer! I'm still going to be plenty busy, but I have no intentions whatsoever of running myself into the ground. I don't really want to do that again, actually... I know that I probably will at some point, but self-promises aren't always futile, are they? =)

In any case, I'll be back soon. And by soon, I mean significantly sooner than the middle of next month. This whole blogging thing is fun! It has a sort of silence all its own...