Sound familiar?
To high school and college students, of course, the question has metamorphosed into "What are you going to major in?" or "What are you going to do with your degree?" but the sentiment remains the same: we should all know exactly what our lives are going to look like by the time we turn eighteen. If you don't, you're certainly not on top of the ball, and the horrendous, unforgiving job market will swallow you whole.
Aforementioned high school and college students, please feel free to scream in frustration.
I would never argue that we shouldn't have aspirations. Having high hopes is a good thing, a necessary thing. I would even argue that running into life with no dreams, expectations, or goals is wrong. I think the problem, though, is that we allow our goals to become our dictators. We weren't created to live under dictatorships, even (and especially) if we are the sole rulers and recipients of our individualized, totalitarian ten-year plans.
The truth is that not many (if any) of us really know who we are or what we're going to do for the rest of our lives. And why should we? I'm becoming more and more convinced that the plans I make for myself are considerably less than the plans that God has for me. I still have to play an active role in following him and listening to him, yes, but that certainly does not mean that I should dictate every element of my own future.
My mind was traipsing through these thoughts as I was walking the other day, and I suddenly felt like a control freak caught in the headlights of reality. I've learned an incredible amount about surrender and trust over the past few years and months, but I still try to grasp at the straws of my own back-up plans. In other words, I try to settle for infinitely less than what God can and will do with me if I allow him to.
Ironic, then, that this weekend of all weekends, the pastor at my church spoke about the Israelites' childish lack of trust after God led them out of Egypt. ("You rained down bread from heaven for us when we complained about being hungry? Awesome! We'll just hoard as much as we can in case you don't do it again like you promised you would...")
And it truly is childish, isn't it? I stare at the God of the universe and dare to tell him that I can see into the future better than he can, then attempt to pull myself up by my own bootstraps when I trip over my ideas and ideals shortly thereafter. ("You did what you promised like you said you would? Awesome! I can do the rest of my life on my terms, though, because still I don't trust your competency and ability more than my own...") How long will it take me to really realize that I'm incapable of doing any of this on my own? How long will I doubt that what He says -- all of it -- is true and good? Above all, why on earth do I second-guess his love for me and his motives for doing so? I suppose it all shows how fickle and broken my own heart and soul are...
But I digress.
I was out walking the other day, thinking through all of these things and more when it hit me: I am created in God's image. It's a simple truth that I've known for as long as I can remember, but it's a truth that carries such astounding weight...
Above all things that he does, God simply is. He is love, he is the Creator, he is just, and he is so many other things... but he is. He exists, and he takes such joy and carries incomprehensible value and glory for nothing other than being. It is out of that being that he loves, creates, gives, and acts. It was out of that being that we were created, and we were created in the image of the God who is. I think, then, that before we become anything in particular, we have to learn how to simply be. God takes joy in us for who we are and how we glorify him, and I don't think that we necessarily have to do anything to glorify him. Taking joy in existing, realizing his majesty in the simplicity of merely living: I'm starting to see how much joy and value these things bring to life, and how much joy and value they bring to him.
When I do become something or do something, then, I want it to be a reflection and extension of my joy of merely living. I unashamedly admit that I want to live an incredibly full, world-changing life; I also admit that I have no idea what that means or how it will come to fruition. I have no doubt, though, that it will come to fruition, even though my life will almost certainly unfold much differently from how I imagine that it might. In any case, though, I think that what I ultimately do will be much more impacting and God-glorifying if I am aware of how glorious it is to just be alive.
I do not know much, but I know these things to be true:
- God is nowhere near finished with me. He's already done incredible things with me, but I know that He's not done yet. I'm hanging on to him as tightly as I can, but trying to remember that I can't even do that on my own...
- I was created first to be, then to become a creator and artist. (After all, every aspect of life requires artistry and creativity of some sort, doesn't it?) I don't know exactly what that looks like yet, but I am being stretched (unwillingly, at times) to continue writing and to pursue music...
- I'll have to continue my thoughts on the last sentence in my next post, because this one is already fairly lengthy!
